No, no. Don’t let the headline mislead you – The Sharpener is categorically NOT bridging the gap between our three parties to form some sort of three-way coalition government, complete with PROBING celebrity analysis and expert comedic timing. Instead, while the nation is in flux as our three political parties complete this round of speed dating – ‘Hey Nick, CALL ME’ kinda thing…The Sharpener is more excited by the number of shining celebrities that we’ve seen dusted down and thrust onto YouTube in the name of partisan campaigning – and even MORE excited by the number of luminaries that offered their free Chardonnay fuelled opinions on the telly last night.

The Labour Party were endorsed by the likes of Eddie Izzard banging on about Brilliant Britain, Jo Brand making crude references to getting in and hardman Ross Kemp…who we imagine offered to get things ’sorted’. The Conservatives had Michael Caine, Carol Vorderman and Coronation Street actor and crop circle enthusiast William Roche, and the Lib Dems took the biscuit with Mr. Darcy sans wet shirt (Colin Firth), comedic genius Armando Iannuci and the flame haired spouse of Jonathon Ross, Jane Goldman. Quite the galaxy of stars, we hear you murmur. Whether it was appearing in adverts, chirping away in interviews or actually ADVISING the party leader on policy (Colin and Nick we all saw your cosy coffee in Putney!) – these celebrities wore their political rosettes on their sleeves or something and have risked everything from public ridicule to out and out social ostracism. We all know that the collision of celebrity and government has had some …interesting results – like when Bruce Willis offered a reward for the capture of Aiman Al-Zawaheri …and then revoked it when the Al Qaeda was actually caught, or when the lesser known Otis Ferry stormed Parliament to protest against fox hunting….

And if that wasn’t enough to keep The Sharpener and anyone else who got confused between FPTP, PR, FFS, WTF, TTFN, UKIP, GCHQ and all the other abbreviations which have become common parlance in the last week happy - last night we got treated to an even bigger sprinkling of stardust. Bruce Forsyth, Richard AND Judy, Piers Morgan, Ozwald Boateng and Joan Collins all regaled us with their feelings and thoughts about the election as they necked back plastic glasses of fizz and floated precariously on the Thames. The real heavyweights were invited to lounge nonchalantly on some comfy looking chairs, whereas others simply gathered around TINY bistro tables – proof that even when the country is looming on the brink of economic and constitutional disaster the celeb hierarchy is alive and well.

In fact….I wonder if any of the aforementioned could form a coalition of the willing, and save us all from this great, clunking mess of an election?