Misguided Tory leader David Cameron (aka Dave) has come up with a jolly wheeze to reduce energy consumption – well, that’s what he thinks anyway.

If, as seems inevitable, the Tories sweep to victory at the May 6 (N-o-o-o-o, don’t mention ‘the unmentionable date’ again) General Election, families can look forward to being informed how much their neighbours are spending on electricity bills. Wow, that’s a pretty radical move, eh! But why?

Well, Dave and his party reckon that householders will be more careful and use less energy when they find out a neighbour has forked out less for their quarterly electricity bill. Are you following the joined up thinking here? I didn’t think so – and nor am I!

“We need to apply gentle social pressure on people to bring down their energy use,” Dave said during a speech on how a Conservative government would give members of the public more say in running their communities.

“So, just as they’re doing in California, we will make each energy bill come with an illustration of how much energy people’s neighbours are using in comparison to their own usage, inspiring them to consume less in competition.”

Aaaah! California. So, this is already being tried out in America, eh. What a load of old cods – and even more reason not to adopt it in the UK!

At the very least, it sounds totally pointless. For example, if a family lived in a semi next door to opulent Buck House, would Her Maj actually douse a few chandelier-sized light clusters and stop watching the telly to compete with her neighbours and their modest quarterly electricity bill?! Erm, I don’t think so, Dave.

And would any householder in their right mind ever give an energy company permission to publish details of their bills to a neighbour in the first place? Erm, again, I don’t think so, Dave.

OK, last MP to leave the House, please put the milk bottles out – and remember to switch Dave off to save energy!

Now that does make sense. . .

BULLY FOR YOU, GORD?

So, is Gordon Brown (aka Gord) a bully and should chief executive of the National Bullying Helpline (NBH) Christine Pratt have revealed the organisation received a complaint against the PM, thus breaching her duty of confidentiality towards callers?

Well, I reckon the answer is no to both. In fact, it all smacks of a ‘hey there’s a General Election looming, lets dig up any old dirt’ campaign.

I mean, what numpty would ever jeopardise such an exalted position as Prime Minister by physically bullying a member (or members) of staff? It’s a bit like signing your own death warrant, really.  Also, like or loathe him, Gord vigorously denies any wrong-doing and is therefore innocent until proved guilty – and no recipient of his alleged bullying has so far crept out of the woodwork to maybe press charges.

And because Mrs Pratt has rightly or wrongly seen fit to bring the matter into the public domain, the identity of Gord’s alleged victim should now be revealed. That way, at least we could see who we are dealing with and form our own opinions.

One thing for sure, whether or not Mrs Pratt resigns from the NBH over the episode, real victims of bullying – of which there are many – will undoubtedly think twice about contacting this organisation that is meant to respect confidentiality and provide help.

Irreparable damage has been done – and the NBH now finds itself the subject of a Charity Commission inquiry.

BED TIME STORY

Naughty premier Silvio Berlusconi, is back in the news over his bedroom activities.

For the 73-year-old ‘Italian stallion’, as he has been described by some in tribute to his colourful life and alleged sexploits, has just purchased an antique four poster bed – complete with canopy, bronze fittings and eagle heads on the posts – once owned by his hero, none other than Napoleon Bonaparte!

Now I always thought Napoleon was a bit of a short a*se, but – having Googled his height – I am prepared to admit that at approximately 5ft 6in he was only about one inch shy of Berlusconi in stockinged feet.

So, there I was fretting over the length of said very expensive – ‘priceless’,  according to the stallion’s antiques expert friend Annamaria Quattrini – four poster, when Berlusconi himself was apparently extremely worried over its width (only designed for two side-by-side, presumably)!

 In fact, so worried was the PM that he asked for the bed to be widened! And at this point I was forced to ask myself: ‘Is the old chap piling on the inches round his girth, as sometimes happens in old age, or is there an ulterior motive’?

 Erm, suddenly, I felt a bit queezy!

 Have a great weekend.