I saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen alone, on the hottest day of the year so far and was this close (holds fingers an immeasurable distance apart) to walking straight into another cinema afterward and seeing Lake Tahoe in order to redeem some semblance of my movie going integrity. It was only after the battle of “my beautiful day yearning” vs. “my cool air conditioned cinema guilt” that I was forced outside into the blinding heat to ponder, among many things, just why action-porn director Michael Bay didn’t save $10mil and replace Megan Fox’s character with a mute, orange skinned, doe eyed, blow up doll.

We all know the main reason Bay’s camera has become infamous for holding on the female of the species’ skin for a few seconds longer than is absolutely necessary, has been his target audience. The (12A) Transformers films have been no exception. I of course cannot completely say that I’m 100% adverse to this in all ways possible but in Revenge of the Fallen’s climactic set piece alone, there are no fewer than 28 shots, 4 in slow motion (yes, I made those numbers up), of Shia LeBeouf (he’s the one with the unusually tall head) dragging a screaming, push up bra wearing, sweat drenched, Fox through a number of battle fields as parts of poor old Optimus Prime fall all around them.

Now, I think I’m a pretty regular 28 year old guy, however, it would seem that I’m a 28 year old guy who has been weirdly scalded, by both sexes on occasion, for making the “she’s not that hot” comment. I’m sorry, but I’m still totally at a loss as to how all it takes is one girl with good eyebrows and cut-offs, poised on a motorbike at a ludicrously pointy angle to seemingly make the entire hot-blooded-male-with-a-television set demographic whoop like a hideously  stoned Jerry Springer audience.

The lack of great action roles for women has been becoming less of a problem in recent cinema, even out side of the comic book realm. Quentin Tarantino delivered the quintessential new female ass kicker, without showing any flesh, with his 2 gleefully entertaining Kill Bill films. Even Bond girls have been upgraded to harder, faster, stronger, plot driving ladies. Why then is poor young Megan happy to be dragged around the place and picked up every second scene because she’s fallen over again whilst running?

I’m not saying that she couldn’t step up to the bat in the future and deliver some true femme cool, but at the moment two Transformers films and a terrible romantic comedy aren’t doing her any favours in the realm of the thinking guy’s “eye candy”. Though, in her own defense even Mrs. Fox  herself has said “I think one day I could be a very good actress. But so far, I haven’t really done anything.”

So perhaps Diablo “Hi, I’m the Oscar winning Juno writer” Cody’s new horror film, Jennifer’s Body will lay to rest mine and Fox’s concerns and we might even catch a glimpse of her acting ability or at the very least learn whether or not she can move her arms and legs and talk at the same time.

Sure, Siguorney Weaver wore tiny underwear and no bra while she was zipping into that space suit but she also threw a super massive alien queen out of an air lock driving a wearable fork lift truck!

So, lets face it, if you want to put yourself in the action film world and be able to create the next Ellen Ripley, Beatrix Kiddo or Sarah Connor, you’ve got to be tough to be hot. Screaming “Sam!” whilst clutching on to the nearest army dude every 5 seconds and allowing your leg to be humped by a small robot dog up on the silver screen isn’t that attractive.

At least not to me.