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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 16th December

    Conversations with my bailiff: 16th December

    16th December 2009 | 0 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    It has been a tumultuous few weeks. I had no internet connection. My fiscal position means that too many folk cough awkwardly and one loving friend immediately offered to pay my internet provider for me! Indignation and embarrassment cannot possibly describe my emotions!  I paid the bloody internet bill. I did not owe the broadband supplier any money. It was a mistake!  A mistake made by … whoops, I almost named them! Heaven forefend. The gods...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 26th November

    Conversations with my bailiff: 26th November

    26th November 2009 | 0 comments | 3 people like this

    My broadband connection has been cancelled by the telephone company. I know I don’t owe them any money.  I owe other people money, but not the internet provider, nor the telephone company. I am told it is an administrative error.  They tell me it is going to take 20 days to reconnect my broadband! Why am I so distressed? I can feel my stomach churning.  I realise how ridiculously dependent I am on...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 9th November

    Conversations with my bailiff: 9th November

    9th November 2009 | 1 comments | 2 people like this

    I have the money! I have it in my bank account. I keep looking at my bank account. It hasn’t had four figures on it for as long as I can remember.  I want to cry.   I just want to look at it.  Not the money, the figures!!   £3,028.00! I had £28.00 in the account, left over from last week’s wages from Pierre. As I am salivating over those pretty numbers the...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 4th November

    Conversations with my bailiff: 4th November

    5th November 2009 | 2 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    It’s been a chaotic ten days.   A week ago, I went to see the respectable editor at the respectable publishing house to discuss “Confession”, or as it is known by the Daughter and I as “My Life as an Armed Robber, A How to Guide”.   I gather that the Publishing House is going to pay me a £3,000 as an immediate advance.   And… £2,000 will be paid on delivery and...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 23rd October

    Conversations with my bailiff: 23rd October

    23rd October 2009 | 0 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    It has taken several days for me to get over my first meeting with armed robber. The armed robber is George Clooney’s twin!  He is very political, very liberal, except when it comes to anti social behaviour, drugs and people trafficking, and he has very strong views about the environment. 

    I need to wind back a few days.  I should start with the bus trip to Pentonville Prison, which is conveniently...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 15th October

    Conversations with my bailiff: 15th October

    15th October 2009 | 1 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    Last night, I dreamt of George Clooney.   He was being sworn in as President of the United States, but the ceremony was on the edge of Lake Garda in Italy, and Silvio Berlusconi was holding the Bible!

    And now its morning, the daughter has gone to school and I am about to call Barry.   I do have some news for him.  My visiting order has arrived from Pentonville.   I know what...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 14th October

    Conversations with my bailiff: 14th October

    14th October 2009 | 0 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    The clairvoyant lives in a rather smart road.   We drive around in my friend’s foxy sunny yellow car looking for a parking space.  A monstrous black four wheel drive, constructed for tough country driving rather than manipulating small streets in London, shoots out of a parking space.  “There.” I yell.   “She of the E Bay party, and Hoxton Market”  immediately cuts across the oncoming traffic and reverses into the bay. ...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 8th October

    Conversations with my bailiff: 8th October

    8th October 2009 | 2 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    I’ve been very quiet for the last few weeks.  First it was the flu and now it is the “debtors” blues.  She of the E Bay Party and the trip to Hoxton Market, has decided another on another expedition.  

    She is collecting me in her yellow foxy car and we are going “somewhere”. 

    I warn about the lack of ready cash. 

    “No problem, “ she informs me, “this afternoon is on me.”  

    All morning,...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 26th September

    Conversations with my bailiff: 26th September

    28th September 2009 | 1 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    I’ve been quiet for a week.  Haven’t really felt much like writing.  I realize that Barry is just like the Ex. And Michael.  He has an agenda too.  His is money.  My money.  I called him as I always do, at 7 o’clock in the morning.  It’s after he’s delivered the Bailiff Notices and clamped any offending vehicles.  7 o’clock is just before the morning rush.  The morning rush being...

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  • Conversations with my bailiff: 18th September

    Conversations with my bailiff: 18th September

    18th September 2009 | 0 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree

    Last night was dinner with the ex.  I marinated the chicken wings.  He seemed to enjoy them.  He certainly ate more than his share.  As he chewed his way through yet another wing he remarked that I used to do this same marinade with lamb and it was better…there was more meat.  Daughter said “that was when we had more money”.
    Ex looked shocked.  He glanced at daughter to see if...

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CONTRIBUTOR

Madelaine Greene

Madelaine Greene

My name is Madelaine Greene. I am 38, a freelance journalist, divorced with a daughter of 10, and I am in financial melt down. I've been fired from my one regular column; more work seems a distant dream. My ex husband has difficulty remembering he is supposed to pay maintenance, and now, Barry, the bailiff, has come to call. Oh... I am hopelessly in love with a younger man, a flute player in folk band. I am not sure he is faithful, but I'm older than him, so I make no claims. I am a thoroughly modern statistic. Welcome to my world.

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