Back from holiday and since landing all I’ve done is complain that Tokyo isn’t Hawaii. I am a whining five-year-old wanting to time travel back to the beach paradise I left behind. I don’t want to deal with all the stuff that magically disappears when away, namely paying bills, unclogging drains, deleting spam and er, work. Put simply, get me out of here!

I know I’ve got to leave the sand at Diamond Head, admit I’ll never have spectacular sunset views from my shoebox in Shibuya and bring elements from my holiday into my day-to-day reality, but honestly, it’s tough. Unfortunately the only way is through, so I’m trying to find the positives in being back. I’m sure everything I experienced in Hawaii can be replicated here in Tokyo. Let’s see . . .

HI: Poi pancakes drenched in coconut syrup and the best Eggs Benedict in the world at Hau Tree Lanai.

TKO: Guess I could try the first Japanese outpost of famed Waikiki brunch spot Eggs ‘n’ Things.

HI: Perfect weather. Full stop.

TKO: No choice. Just have to tough out Tokyo’s hot, humid summer and gracefully accept my clothes will become a portable sweat bath.

HI: Lush green foliage, turquoise blue oceans, double rainbows.

TKO: Grey concrete.

HI: Swimming in the ocean.

TKO: Swimming in a stream of trivial, pointless emails.

HI: Hiking trails that reward you with waterfalls or stunning coastal views for your effort.

TKO: Hiking groceries back to my flat from Tokyu Food Show. No satisfaction whatsoever.

HI: Frangipani’s fragrancing the sidewalks.

TKO: Vending machines dominating the sidewalks.

HI: Whole Foods.

TKO: Tokyo, why can’t you have a Whole Foods? Just one? C’mon? It can’t be that hard to arrange surely.

HI: One suitcase living.

TKO: A wardrobe full of clothes but nothing to wear.

HI: Oh, just the small issue of Hawaiian tropical cocktails on the beach as the sun sets over the horizon.

TKO: I suppose I could try and be outside when day gives way to night but what’s the point when you can’t see the sun through the haze?

HI: Surfing, surfers and surfer culture.

TKO: Office ladies, salary men and corporate culture.

HI: Natural daylight.

TKO: Fluorescent strip lights. Oh, did I mention neon lights and noise blaring from giant video screens?

HI: Sleeping with the shutters open and the wind caressing me to sleep while the dawn light softly encourages me to wake and begin my day.

TKO: Curtains and windows closed, air conditioner on full blast, the shock of the alarm clock jolting me out of bed.

HI: Sunrise walks on the beach with the sand between your toes, the sea lapping at your ankles.

TKO: Morning cycle through Omotesando and Aoyama trying not to get hit by a taxi.

Nup, this really isn’t cutting it. Hawaii, I want you back!