The three films under scrutiny here are difficult to speak about at length, but for quite different reasons. Hence their being mushed into a single article.

A Prophet

It’s hard to talk about A Prophet without spoiling it for people who haven’t seen it yet. It is complex without being confusing, familiar without being formulaic and violent without being vulgar. Go and see it if you still can. Or get the Mesrine box set on DVD. Even though the two are quite different.

Ninja Assassin

Here are three things you should do just before you go to bed if you want to have a series of violent dreams: watch Ninja Assassin, play Grand Theft Auto 4 and read David Simon’s Homicide. I racked up all three in a row last week, and my mindscape was more than a little warped that night. But there is, of course, a difference between the listed activities. Whilst all three are filled with violence, only GTA4 and Homicide actually have any depth to the visceral images which they create. Ninja Assassin is laboriously light-weight, and its violence is so persistent and frequent that the blood and guts become boring almost instantly. It’s got that bloke from Coupling in it, and that woman from Pirates of the Caribbean who ripped off the Voodoo Lady from the Monkey Island series. It’s almost, but not quite, as low budget and awful as Blood: The Last Vampire. The presence of English people playing Yanks is enough to confirm the cash-strapped status of the production. Though James Cameron has proved time and again that big budgets don’t convert into good movies.

It wasn’t until after I left the cinema that I became aware of a major similarity between Ninja Assassin and A Prophet. The relationship between the young pupil and the old master characters within each are virtually identical. If you see both, you’ll see what I mean. But I’d recommend a good hard look at paint drying over seeing Ninja Assassin.

Up in the Air

With its one plot twist late in the game that flipped common assumptions, Up in the Air managed to become more than mediocre. It’s not that funny, but it doesn’t try to be. As a film it hasn’t got a huge amount to say, and so I’ve not got much to respond with. Instead, please accept a poem about George Clooney’s career as a substitute.

I never watched ER,

It didn’t penetrate my armour.

I was not interested

In that hospital based drama.

But Quentin Tarantino helped

This perennial charmer

Work his magic on my conscience

Like a white Barack Obama.

George Clooney first came to me

Onscreen in From Dusk Til Dawn,

I bet Clooney’s Seth Gecko

Could kill Damon’s Jason Bourne.

But those two were on the same side

In the three Ocean’s flicks,

Proving style without substance

Is like mortar without bricks.

Now Clooney’s pushing 50,

But still spinning many plates.

Let’s hope his eco-campaigning

Can alter all our fates.

Up in the Air was not that bad,

But it ran out of steam.

At least George Clooney’s character

Had quite low self-esteem.

That’ll do.