Here are two questions some people might ask before they even read a review of Vince Vaughn’s latest rom-com type film.

“Wait, isn’t Couples Retreat almost certainly going to be rubbish? And won’t its rubbishness correlate inversely to the amount of money it will make?”

In short, yes. But I don’t do short here. I do medium.

Couples Retreat is basically just another film that uses its paper-thin premise to get all of the actors and crew a free holiday to Hawaii (a la Forgetting Sarah Marshal and A Perfect Getaway). If the end product is watchable then they release it. If it isn’t, then they still release it. Either way they have all had a nice sunbathe.

This time four couples (3 white, 1 black) are whisked off to paradise to spend a week in therapy to try and save their marriages. Some didn’t expect the therapy to be mandatory, some are more willing to admit that they have issues than others, but by the end everything is sorted out. The reason I identified the ethnic divide is because for much of the film the black couple are relegated to their own infrequent comedy scenarios, excluded from the scenes/gags containing the other six cast members. This may be for completely innocent and inconsequential reasons, but for a viewer it can feel like they are being actively forbidden from taking part in the same sessions/scenes as the white couples. The tropical resort begins to feel a bit like it is run by a subtle yet self-assuredly racist organisation.

There are some jokes in this film. One or two are funny. Others are ‘funny’, which means they are based on established comedy rules and in theory should be funny, but aren’t. Then there are a few ‘kids do/say the funniest things’ style jokes, which in a film just come across as lazy.

It is also a film in which a disproportionately large number of the cast have weird heads. Let’s look at the main offenders. John Favreau looks like his face has been polished. It also looks a bit like that model of Lionel Richie’s face that blind lady made in that video. Malin Akerman has a face that gives the impression that her eyes too close together. This is in fact an illusion caused by the fact that her head is just too big for all of her features (I believe it’s called Mark Walberg syndrome). Kristen Bell look like her skull is trying to force its way out of her skin in every direction at the same time. And I won’t even begin to contemplate the complex, vivid oddity of Kristin Davis (off of Sex and the City).

It’s easy and not particularly clever or admirable to have a go at people for the way they look, but Couples Retreat is too boring to review properly. The whole thing is salvaged slightly by two semi-cameos. Jean Reno plays the eccentric owner of the resort, and it’s just nice to see his face on screen more than anything. Peter Serafinowicz on the other hand is often hilarious as the resort manager.

Quite a lot of people will probably enjoy this film, and it isn’t offensively bad, it’s just too bland to be of note. If that sounds like something you’d like, go to your local megaplex and buy enough popcorn or pick n mix to put you into a semiconscious state to get the most out of Couples Retreat.