It’s official, there’s been a ghost in my house.
It happened last weekend, as my man and I were emptying our closets of clothes to donate to charity. I was feeling quietly chuffed about my philanthropy, even donating some designer labels without a thought of what I might make on eBay.
But, just like that, She was there. As my fiancé handed me a frightful, bright orange ‘puffa’ jacket I spotted it. A thick black scrawl. The name of his ex.
In an instant, I could almost see her, an apparition standing between us, the smell of her perfume lingering in the air.
A million thoughts raced through my head – ‘why did he still have this?’ ‘Who writes their name on their clothes over the age of 5?’ And most importantly, ‘how could he date someone with such awful taste in clothes?’
In the midst of planning our wedding, that jacket was a not so nice reminder that my man had loved and lost before me. It wasn’t the first time, either – mentions of a number of exes have come up from time to time: a comment from one of his mates, a photo from a forgotten album on his computer, even one particularly awful Facebook encounter.
I’m haunted, but I’m not alone. I have a friend whose boyfriend’s ex is still one of his best friends, another who has to deal with late night phone calls and constant text messages. One friend found a shoebox full of naked pics of her fiance’s ex – and he refused to throw them away.
My exes have done their own fair share of haunting, too. It seems that for any couple navigating life and love in 2010, chances are that your partner has had a significant relationship before you came along.
I’m not ashamed to admit that the thought of my partner loving someone other than me makes me feel sick, and reasonably jealous. It’s not nice to think that the person you love shared intimate moments with someone, told them they loved them, hell, even planned a life together.
I’m still friends with a couple of my exes on Facebook, but we don’t really talk and we’re not involved in each other’s lives. I occasionally stumble across pictures, places and jokes that remind me of them. But it’s nothing more than a memory, like something funny that happened at school, and the moment passes as quickly as it came. I’m sure it’s the same with my fiancé.
Him passing me that awful jacket without a thought is evidence enough. Their relationship, like those we have all ended, are just memories taking up space in the spare room.
It’s pretty easy to tell if there’s still heat in the old flame. I’m OK with the occasional haunting, but I’d baulk at an ex becoming more than smoke and dust and memories.Your partner should be just as keen as you to keep the ghost of old relationships firmly in the past.
It might do you well to sit with your partner, just the two of you, and see if it feels like something, or someone else, is filling up the room. It might just be time for a little ghost busting.
