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What Are You Wittering About?
26th February 2010 | 0 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree
Hands up, who loves a good old session of small talk?
If your mitt is airborne get yourself to a lab for insanity testing at once. Because nobody human really likes it. It's the Polyfilla of crumbling conversations. Social armbands for when you’re fast sinking in a sea of strangers. Muzak for your mouth. But I’ll tell you something for free - it’s weird when you have to do without it. I can’t... -
Bowler Vs Baguette
8th February 2010 | 3 comments | 1 person likes this
Paul Merton (officially a National Treasure now he has a paunch) is currently presenting Paul Merton In Europe, in which, surprise, he potters around Europe in a nice straw hat investigating the cultural idiosyncrasies of our mainland brethren.
Doubtless, he will stare on in stage-horror whist Johnny Foreigner eats/loons about/fornicates with something strange and unmentionable as we gasp into our Ovaltine and check that the front door safety chain is on... -
Don’t Fancy Yours Much
28th January 2010 | 0 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree
France is the gastronomic capital of Europe. Well, considering the turgid root vegetable concoctions of Eastern Europe, the glistening suspicious sausages of Deutchland and the stodgy plates of grease beloved of the British - the country in which 'hearty' means ‘weighs the same as a new born child,’ - it really doesn’t have much to fear competition-wise, does it?
And so, I ask myself, how is it that I can live... -
Living in A Box
22nd January 2010 | 2 comments | 0 votes yet, click here to agree or disagree
Readers, I will share a sad fact: I am thirty-three and I sleep in a bunk bed.
There is nothing sinister about this. It has nothing to do with an acreage of psychological baggage. I am not 'eccentric' or in the army. I never suffered an incident as a child that left me with a crippling carpeting phobia.No, it just so happens that the room I rent has a bunk bed... -
Living in a Glamour-Free Zone
15th January 2010 | 1 comments | 1 person likes this
Being glamorous out here in Snowsville is chuffing difficult. And I was only reminded to be bothered about it because I saw a woman in high-heeled, knee-high boots on Tuesday battling up the high street in two feet of snow.
My first thought (because when life consists of wading through slush with a ton of shopping or being frozen inside your car, things tend towards the prosaic) was: ‘Christ alive! She’ll... -
Eavesdropping: Stranger Than Fiction
5th January 2010 | 0 comments | 1 person likes this
One of the nicest things about France (apart from the cakes. And the absence of Katie Price. And boxes of wine for under six quid) is that you can go out for a coffee without someone else’s conversation intruding like a dog running all over your picnic blanket.
When the language being spoken around you isn’t your first, it’s a million times easier to tune out. Which is marvellous, if you're... -
Really, they’re hating every minute of it.
28th December 2009 | 0 comments | 1 person likes this
It is a great biological mystery of the age as to why, once on a skiing holiday, an intelligent British person goes rogue.
They become a monster once they get poles in their hands. The monster takes one of two hideous forms: the Dangerous Numpty and the Rude Drunken Twat.The Dangerous Numpty loses all sense of personal space on arrival in resort, as if an invisible threshold is crossed and they... -
The Snow Remains the Same
17th December 2009 | 0 comments | 1 person likes this
After last weeks snow dump (see the 'oh good, it's snowing' post, in which I moan about it) we’ve had nowt so much as a light talcing. The temperature however has plunged to a bollock-freezing minus 14. Which is fine if you live in an apartment with radiators in it, but I know one valiant individual that’s currently residing in a camper van who woke up the other morning to...
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Are You Eating Properly, Dear?
10th December 2009 | 1 comments | 1 person likes this
I was queuing at the post office this morning.
Well, I would have been queuing if the French hadn't abolished it in the Fifties and replaced it with 'competitive huddling.'To clarify: instead of the traditional one-behind-the-other business, the idea is that every new individual desirous of service, casually wanders up to the ‘queue’ and joins it somewhere at the side, until the ‘huddle' becomes a sizable cluster. At which point, a... -
Oh Good. It’s Snowing.
3rd December 2009 | 2 comments | 1 person likes this
Oh, if I’m not careful I am going to be labelled a miserable bint. ‘Too late’ you say? Right. Pointless holding back now then, eh?
Before anyone feels the need to point out that I CHOSE TO LIVE IN A SKI RESORT I admit, hands fully aloft, that yes, indeed I did. But I also like moaning about it, in which case please feel free to read somebody else’s much cheerier...
CONTRIBUTOR
Deborah Willimott
Deborah Jane Willimott is a freelance writer who escaped to the snowy promise of the French Alps a few years ago after London destroyed her sanity and her credit rating. She regularly contributes to various websites and British womens glossies including Cosmo and Glamour but despite these grown-up pursuits is primarily a thirty year old still working part-time in a cafe, renting a room the size of a chest freezer and attempting to write amusing and entertaining content for popular consumption. She writes a daily blog at http://theweemo.wordpress.com/ And shes working on a novel. Of course.
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