Sylvester Stallone’s ‘The Expendables’ is a celebration of two things; the action movie genre (specifically the films made famous in the 1980s) and extreme masculinity. And you won’t get an apology for either. Stallone is of course famous for two such iconic Hollywood man-heroes, Rocky Balboa and John Rambo. ‘
The Expendables’ is less an attempt to invent (or reinvent) a new icon, but rather to bring together an ensemble cast that celebrates everything that made Stallone’s career what it is.
The story (and it really is thinner than a Mickey Rourke call-girl) centres on Stallone’s crew (aka The Expendables) taking down an evil drug cartel who have taken control of the government and people of a small fictional South American island country.
Eric Roberts, ex-FBI agent gone power mad, is the man who’s taken charge of the fictional country, ably aided by henchman (and former pro wrestler) Steve ‘Stone Cold’ Austin. Stallone’s Expendables (action icons Statham, Li, and Lundgren joined by former UFC hardman Randy Couture, and for some reason Terry Crews) are hired by Bruce Willis’ CIA operative to take Roberts down, a mission not even the Governator (and rival mercenary) Arnold Schwarzenegger would take.
And here is the marketing crux of the film; Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger in the same movie. And it is a joy to behold, but one that almost ruins the rest of the movie which, while milking the nostalgia train, fails to live up to this moment of wonderment.
Don’t be fooled by the poster, this scene is a few minutes long, a clever but slightly naughty marketing ploy. If only then more heavyweights could have been called in. Statham is fine as the link to modern action. Likewise Li fills the Kung-Fu position with comfort.
However, as manly as Couture is and whoever the hell Terry Crews is, you can’t help but wishing they were (if not Willis and Arnie in inflated roles) Van Damme and Segal. Saying that, fight fans will delight in a brief fight-off between Couture and Austin. Grrr MEN!
Showing their touchy-feely side the Expendables take this mission not for Willis’ dirty CIA money, but because Stallone has a morality crush on the corrupt President’s purist daughter. The lads then go about killing almost everybody, exploding almost everything, and causing millions of dollars of damage at no mean financial cost to themselves.
All in the name of backing the boss’s whimsical gut feeling over a girl that he’d previously met for all of 15 minutes. The old softy. However, story credibility is not what we’re being invited to indulge in here. No, we are cordially invited by Sly to man-up. To drink a gallon of beer for breakfast, to eat a horse steak, to cage-fight a rhino, and to drive an armoured tank to work tomorrow.
This ragtag bunch of mercenaries for hire do everything to the manliest levels of mandom. They drink beer while flying a plane, get tattoos without flinching, beat heavily armed armies with knives and fists, explode everything, and teach women that all of life’s problems are solved with extreme outbursts of violence. WhoHa!
Stallone avoids the political pitfalls of paranoid US foreign policy in South America by portraying the real villains of the piece as corrupt American government agencies (however some will be offended by the disposable foreign soldiers).
Equally the Expendables themselves are less all-American war heroes and more an international coalition of the willingly paid, with English, Swedish, and Chinese making up the group with a trio of Americans. International relations however are not the order of the day here, but rather how many people and buildings can you level as fast as your bulging muscles will permit.
This is an action romp that is loud and proud to be loud. Bones are snapped, bodies explode from bullets, faces are crushed with fists, and everything is so flammable that the smallest flame causes super Chernobyls. But that of course is the point. It’s riding the nostalgia train all the way to 80s town. Action fans will no doubt enjoy the carnage but may well leave with a tinge of sadness that the modern action pitfalls of quick cuts and CGI blood have found themselves into this most retro of films. ‘
The Expendables’ delivers on the action, sticks one finger up to political correctness, and falls short on total 80s nostalgia satisfaction. As ‘The Boys Are Back In Town’ plays over the end credits you’ll think, ‘Yes they are.., but not all of them’.
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