Be in no doubt, things are a little unusual at the moment. It’s difficult to know where to look for any semblance of normality, but then why would you want to do that? There is too much fun to be had gawping at the news fallout from the implosion of politics, and more recently the plastic knife backstabbings of what has become a pretty thundery Cabinet picnic. The small matter of democracy, albeit in the guise of local elections, has been entirely lost in the dust cloud, which is unsurprising given the majority of people won’t bother voting.

I’m not keen on reprimanding people for things, apart from bad spelling and grammar, sculpted facial topiary, using hair products, supporting Chelsea, socialism or Australia, and of course, not voting. The usual stories about horses and dead women are all very well, but surely the most persuasive reason to vote is that, if you do not, you have no right to complain about anything. This is not a reversible truism; casting your vote will not remove your need for complaint – your neighbours won’t be evicted, the bottomless potholes down your street will remain – but in our messy, imperfect democracy it is an incredibly easy way to make sure you can carry on moaning about the world around you.

While you may feel your vote has frustratingly little impact, bear in mind what happens when the door is closed on that narrow shaft of light. The result is usually violence. Fred Goodwin’s windows were bricked because the public couldn’t vote him out; the shock tactics used by the IRA, Tamil Tigers, Hamas, Hezbollah and friends were/are deemed necessary by them because it’s the only way to get any attention when they’re excluded from the political process.

So the argument is mainly pragmatic but also slightly ideological. Voting secures your place at the table thumping world-to-rights pub discussions and might even change a few things for the better. But it is also a right worth exercising because by doing so you are supporting the existence of that right, without which people would find another way, using weapons.

Many people feel abstaining is a protest, especially in light of the expenses revelations, but this is insanely fickle and pretty narrow-minded. No-one would argue that MPs should be proud of themselves, but what about those potholes? Does a political scandal on any scale erase your opinions about Council Tax, nuclear weapons, the NHS, City Academies and cannabis? If you really must voice your fury at the main parties, vote for a fringe or single-issue party, preferably one that isn’t full of lunatics or racists (which admittedly leaves you with little choice).

It’s too late to vote in the latest elections, but don’t worry. If another senior Cabinet minister pisses all over the Prime Minister’s picnic in the next few days a General Election will surely result (unusual times mean unusual picnics). Sharpen your pencils before your tongues and swords.