Satirical impressionist, and host of the Funny Women 2009 finals, Jan Ravens, wryly remarked at the start of the evening:  “It’s not a competition of course, we don’t like to be competitive do we girls, competitive in a cooperative way perhaps…”  No, of course we don’t, unless we’re enjoying a hearty, harmless game of lacrosse or netball, but to send up yet another stereotype of women, if this year’s finals were indeed, one big, handbag throwing, clawing cat fight, the Comedy Store on Monday night would have resembled bloody, nail-torn carnage not that dissimilar to the Primark January sales down Oxford Street, with each comedienne performing to the very best of her hair-pulling abilities, leaving the audience awash in a comedy tsunami.

The standard of the 12 finalists was phenomenally high. Sarah Farrell, director of Comedy Central and one of the judges on the panel – which included comedian Stephen K Amos and Lucy Lumsden, the new head of comedy at Sky – stated: “We’ve been particularly impressed by the diversity and confidence of all this year’s finalists – definitely the best yet.”

First up was Katarina Vrana. It’s always difficult to open the show but she had just the right amount of confidence, energy and upbeat tempo to deliver on this score, which the audience could not help but respond enthusiastically to. Second was Elizabeth Mee, struggling with the stereotypes of not only being a woman, but being “middle-aged” – “no, I don’t have an aga” and the complications of having the surname Mee – “Roger’s had such a terrible time at school you know.” Third up was the delightful Giado Garofalo, a “sweet but mental” (her own words) Italian who laid into Berlusconi (I stress “laid into” not “laid”) and assured us she was real and “not a character!” Particularly brilliant, was the impressionist Eve Webster – what she may have initially lacked in energy and stage-exuberance she more than compensated for with some of the funniest gags and impressions of the evening, yes, even to rival those of Jan Ravens, whose cool, professional composure was rocked for the first time – simply muttering “fuck” when she came back on after the most rip-roarious applause for Webster.  In fact, I think this was part of it, Webster’s brilliance became evident upon her merely opening her mouth, presence and owning-the-space aside, she could quite literally remain rooted to the spot and we’d be in hysterics as her lampoons on Anne Widdecombe, Cheryl Cole and Amy Winehouse came soaring out. My personal favourite was her Gwyneth Paltrow – “it’s not like we called her shithouse” who yes, really does need to stop naming children. Great satire and a “clear winner” so far, we all thought – eventually however, this incredible talent took second place.

And just for the record, Ravens’ impressions did keep us thoroughly entertained throughout, with her send-ups of female MPs that included “gangland matriarch” Jacqui Smith (such a fitting expression) the smug Gillian McKeith and some of her favourites, Fiona Bruce and Kirsty Wark. Ravens got heckled at one point by a woman shouting out “why don’t you take the piss out of men?” which actually really annoyed me– one, because Ravens had pointed out earlier she often admires and respects a lot of the women she parodies (the deserved ones– I think we’ll leave the female MPs out of that category!) two, she was sticking to what she’s most good at, making the audience laugh into the bargain and it was an unwelcome interruption but perhaps three, most of all, the heckler had quite a brattish and grating voice, which Ravens, I’m pleased to say, gently mocked before conceding to her, “ok, good point, well made.”

Charlie Covell, 25, had a hard act to follow but soon won the audience back with self-deprecating anecdotes of life at boarding school and insights into herself as a pretentious teenager– understated but effortless delivery with a unique voice and demeanour. I could probably listen to her all day.

Following Charlie was the final’s winner, Miss London (real name Dionne Hughes)– already crowned with the title of ‘The Miss Dynamite of Comedy’– at only 20 years old, unleashed a firebomb of energy all over the stage that could not be ignored. She was probably one of the most exciting performers to watch– extremely confident with fantastic expressions and hilarious material to match – “I’m from the ghettos of Wimbledon.. got beaten up by… two foxes”– I sense there are boundaries she’s yet to decimate and I look forward to seeing that although I might make sure I’m sitting a few rows back…

During the interval, there was much excitement over the first half’s acts, spoilt only by witnessing someone, possibly a BBC producer, dance rather too vigorously to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ classic ‘Give it away’. Sorry, there are some things that just shouldn’t be permitted while dressed in a Chelsea-woollen kaftan and furry boots.

First up in the second half was Norwegian Marie Vagen who had slick and dry delivery and seems to have picked up on how Norfolk gets mocked; comedy sketch duo Domestic Goddi who, although a little derivative, were very funny and a welcome complement to all the stand-up, and Tania Edwards who has made many mistakes including “schoolboy errors” but we’ll forgive her as she mixes hilarious personal anecdotes with an articulate and original delivery.

The last three included Scottish Rhona McKenzie– one of the most energetic of the line-up, she had fearless command of the stage and relayed tales of camel toe, confusing girdles with griddles, and “lazy, fat bastards”, one of which she’s now dating – Catherine Semark who had me in stitches with a set devoted to the ludicrous t-shirts that many a 21st century idiot wears and Jo Selby, who took third place taking the audience on a comedy journey with her character ‘Tatiana Ostrakova’; very, very funny and accurate – as I overheard one person say “she sounds exactly like my Russian neighbour!”

After being treated to a set from last year’s winner, Canadian Katherine Ryan, the winners were announced. Miss London looked genuinely floored by her win and it was clear she wasn’t expecting it, despite the fantastic reception she received from performing. Her reaction was honest as she said: “I really wasn’t expecting this, a year ago I was working in TGI Friday, I’ve only been doing comedy nine months!”
Presenting the Awards to the winners last night, Lynne Parker, producer and founder of Funny Women, said: “Dionne, Eve and Jo were the worthy winners as they raised the bar in terms of personal performances.  Yet the standard was amazing and feedback from audience members who have followed our progress over the last seven years was that this year was the best year yet.  Well done to all 12 of our amazingly talented finalists.”

Funny Women also supports women’s causes on an international level. Proceeds from the Funny Women Finals 2009 went to V-Day: Until the Violence Stops, a global movement to stop violence against women and girls.

In 2009 and 2010 V-Day’s spotlight is on the appalling sexual violence being used as a weapon in an economic war against women and girls of all ages across Eastern Congo (hundreds of thousands have been brutalised).  V-Day believes that the story of the Congo needs to be told to the rest of the world. Shockingly a woman or girl is being raped every half an hour in the DRC.

See  www.vdayuk.org for more details about joining the campaign.